This weeks topic : Star Wars Character You Are Most Like
(Note, these are characters from the whole trilogy, not just the first
movie.)
ARIES (March 21 ‑ April 19)
Star Wars Character : C3P0
You are an uptight whiner, always saying things like "Oh no!
Stormtroopers!" or "Now we are all going to die!" You really gotta
loosen up. I mean, you can't spend your whole life wandering around
worrying about everything. Sit back, relax, have a beer. But don't
spill any beer on your arm. I hear that stuff is like ACID when it
comes in contact with metal.
TAURUS (April 20 ‑ May 20)
Star Wars Character : R2‑D2
Beep‑whizz‑bang‑beep. Beep‑beep‑beep‑beep. Whir‑swin‑beep‑beep.
BEEEEP‑beep.
GEMINI (May 21 ‑ June 20)
Star Wars Character : Jabba the Hutt
You think you are powerful, but the power you have over others comes
from their fear, not their respect. Beware, fat man, for some day those
who you now take so much pleasure in controlling will turn around and
kill you. Beware of Princesses wearing chains around their necks.
CANCER (June 21 ‑ July 22)
Star Wars Character : Darth Vader
You are evil and powerful. People may not like you, but they respect
you. You can kill people with just a thought. You can move large
objects with just a thought. Life is good.
LEO (July 23 ‑ Aug. 22)
Star Wars Character : Obi‑wan "Ben" Kenobi
You're old, and you dress funny. People try not to say anything about your odor problems. Beware of Cancers carrying light sabres.
VIRGO (Aug.23 ‑ Sept. 22)
Star Wars Character : Yoda
Yoda you are like. Funny talk you. But beyond your years wise are you.
Hmmm. Hmmm. Downside there is always. Wise you may be, but ugly and
short are you also. You will never get laid.
LIBRA (Sept. 23 ‑ Oct. 22)
Star Wars Character : Storm Trooper
Canon foder. No one respects your talents and ambitions. You are
treated more like a number then a person. "Do this!" "Do that!" people
are always telling you. How come you always get stuck with the crumby
Jobs, like writing the Horoscope for the party newsletter. Just
once don't you wish you could have some of the glory? Some of the fame?
That you could take off the uniform you wear and run around and say
"Look at me! I'm special! I'm different!" Don't you wish that you
could....
(the sounds of laser blasts hitting Storm Trooper armour. Han Solo and
Luke Skywalker step nimbly over the now dead body of the Storm Trooper.
Some of us are meant to be Queen Bees, and some of us our meant to be
Worker Bees. Libras are the worker bees. Get used to it.)
SCORPIO (Oct. 23 ‑ Nov. 21)
Star Wars Character : Luke Skywalker
Yes, you are like Luke, but more from the first movie when he was just
a whiny little brat who knew nothing. Maybe with time you too can grow
strong and powerful, but more likely you will end up like Mark Hamill,
the only person associated with the movies who never became truly
famous.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 ‑ Dec. 21)
Star Wars Character : Evil Emperor
Sure, you are probably one of the most powerful people in the universe,
but you really got to work on your people skills. I mean, try giving
the occasional compliment. And brush your teeth. They look disgusting.
Doesn't your appearance mean anything to you? You are supreme ruler of
the galaxy, you should be able to afford a face lift. And get some new
duds. Those long robes are so dark ages! Try the Gap, they have nice
stuff.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 ‑ Jan. 19)
Star Wars Character : Han Solo
You are smooth and cool under pressure. You are daring and
adventerous. You are environmental unfriendly (come on, driving
around in an old bucket of bolts like the Millienium Falcon. I bet it
doesn't even pass California Emission standards). You are politically
uncorrect (First, you wear leather, which means you don't care about
animal rights. Secondly, you don't give Princess Leia the respect you
give Chewie because she is a woman!). You're lucky you haven't crossed
my path yet, mister, because I would have you up on Sexual Harrasment
charges before you could jump to light speed! You thought carbon
freezing was bad, wait until you come up against the BNR Sexual
Harrasment Committee.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 ‑ Feb. 18)
Star Wars Character : Princess Leia
You kissed your brother. That's gross. I *REFUSE* to do a horoscope
for some incest‑loving sicko! I have morals, you know! God, you are
disgusting.
PISCES (Feb. 19 ‑ March 20)
Star Wars Character : The Snow Beast
Remember when Luke got captured at the being of "The Emperor Strikes
Back" by that big snow monster. Didn't he look like the Snow Monster
from the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reigndeer special where the elf who
wanted to be a dentist pulled his tooth? I think he did.
Oh, yeah, you are like the snow beast because it lived in the snow,
and when snow melts it becomes water, and water is what fish swim in,
and Pisces is the sign of the fish. 'nuff said?