64 Ways to Piss Off a Cop
1 - When you get pulled over, say, "What's wrong, ossifer, there's
no blood in my alcohol."
5 - Touch him.
6 - When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.
13 - If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw
yourself on the hood.
14 - When he asks you to spread 'em, tell him you don't go that way.
15 - When he puts on the handcuffs, say, "My dates usually buy me
dinner first."
18 - Bribe him with donuts and when he agrees, tell him, "Sorry, I
just ate the last one."
19 - When he comes up to the car, say, "license and registration,
please" right when he says it.
20 - When he starts to read you your rights, sing, "La, la, la, la, I
can't hear you !"
23 - Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. (you are using his pen)
24 - Chew on the pen, nervously.
25 - Clean your ear with the pen.
26 - If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.
27 - Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say, "I thought that
name sounded familiar...."
30 - When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.
31 - Or mumble to yourself.
33 - Drive to Dunkin' Donuts and say, "Hmmmmm.... only five of you
there tonight..."
35 - When he comes to the car, say, "I have a badge just like that."
36 - Ask if he watches "COPS."
37 - Ask if he ever watched "Cop Rock."
38 - Giggle if he did.
39 - Talk to your hand.
40 - Ask him if he knows Rosy Palmer and her five favorite friends.
42 - When he frisks you, grin and say, "You missed a spot..."
43 - When he asks to inspect your car, say, "There is no alcohol in
my car, sir. The last cop took it."
46 - If he takes you to the station, ask to sit up front.
47 - Play with the siren.
48 - If you know him, tell him you had his wife for dinner.
51 - Ask if he ever had poon-tang.
52 - If he asks what that is, point at him and giggle.
56 - Turn your head and whistle.
57 - When he pulls out his night stick, ask, "What are you gonna do
with that ?"
58 - If you are female, say, "I don't do that on the first date."
59 - If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner,
suck your thumb, and whine.
60 - Ask if you can see his gun.
61 - When he says it isn't allowed, tell him, "I just wanted to see if mine is bigger."