Mother Of All Urban Legends
Author: Unknown
Submitted by OXanimalOX on 01‑10‑1999
Genre: Quickie, Rating: 1.9, Suitability: G
This is very important! Warn all your friends!
I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from
having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So
anyway, one day he went to sleep and when the young man awoke he was in
his bathtub. It was full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got
out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. Then the
guy saw a note on his mirror that said, "Call 911!"
But, he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his
computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his
hard drive if he opened an e‑mail entitled "Join the crew!" The young
man knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer
who was working on software to save us from Armageddon when the year
2000 rolls around.
His program will prevent a global disaster in which all the computers
get together and distribute the $600 Nieman Marcus cookie recipe under
the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true‑I read it all last week in a
mass e‑mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free
Disneyworld vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e‑mail to
everyone I know.)
The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his
missing kidneys, but reaching into the coin‑return slot he got jabbed
with an HIV‑infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said,
"Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily, he was only a few blocks from
the hospital ‑‑ the same hospital as that little boy who is dying of
cancer is being treated. The boy whose last wish is for everyone in
the world to send him an e‑mail. Also, the American Cancer Society has
agreed to pay him a nickel for every e‑mail he receives.
I sent the unfortunate boy two e‑mails and one of them was a bunch of
x's and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to
twenty people you will have good luck, foward it to ten people you will
only have OK luck and if you send it to less than ten people you will
have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS). So anyway the poor guy tried to drive
himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving
along without his lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at
him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
Trust no one.